Delayed Gratification and Higher SAT Scores?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
These past few weeks have been quite challenging for me as it’s summer vacation and the kids are not in their regular schedule. Now don’t get me wrong, I love having my kids home for the summer and they definitely need it but it’s hard to keep them busy all the time. Therefore I do things I probably shouldn’t do to keep them busy and happy …maybe too happy, in fact. You see, during the school year we have RULES – make your bed, use your manners, clear your plate from the table and absolutely NO TV before homework and piano and there is to be NO ice cream or candy during the week. I guess you could say that I’m one of those “delay gratification moms.”
I know what drives me to be like this – my past. I remember my father always said, “Pumpkin – do you really think you need that? Why don’t you wait for a few days? You know, patience is a virtue.” And boy, did that ever cause me to get angry and have a temper tantrum – even when I was teenager. However, now I can truly appreciate why he always wanted me to wait and practice patience.
I am just like everyone else – I like nice things a lot, new shoes and handbags – but this important life skill of self discipline and delayed gratification that my dad helped me with has kept me from making poor choices and piling on significant amounts of debt. Waiting to purchase those things that I truly coveted and thought I “needed” has been one of the best financial lessons I was taught at a very young age.
So much comes to our children so easily – they rarely need to wait anymore. A lot of this has been driven by technology (instant messaging, email, music downloads, etc) and the commercialization of our society. All fosters an attitude of “you can get what you want, when you want it.” Children, including mine, grow up thinking that instant gratification and acquisition of a want – usually a toy or some type of sweet— is the way to happiness!!
What does this teach them - that unless you get an immediate payoff, no activity is worth the effort? For example, my kids think that any trip to our local downtown or mall has to be for a reason, and the reason is to buy something – not just to spend time with the family. Will this behavior translate to the academic area? Will my children only study for the test, instead of developing a deep, authentic love of learning?
I was talking with a friend the other day about my lax summer time rules and how I was giving in to my kids every whim and she suggested I take a look at the “marshmallow study.” In the study, conducted in the 60s, four year old children were offered one marshmallow, but were told that if they waited while the researcher ran an errand (about 15-20 minutes) they could have two marshmallows.
About fourteen years after the study was conducted – when the children had graduated high school – the study revealed surprising differences between the two groups. The children that waited for the researcher to return, were more positive, self motivating, persistent in the face of difficulty and able to delay gratification in pursuit of their goals – leading to a more fulfilling life, greater career satisfaction and better health. More importantly, it was shown that the children who were able to delay gratification scored 210 points higher on their SAT scores!!
What are some of the things we, as parents, can do to help our children learn to be patient, delay gratification and tolerate frustration? Here are a few tips I came up with:
1. As a parent, we must exhibit self-control. I definitely need to remind myself of this. Whether sitting in that traffic jam, a long line at the grocery store, or trying put together that Christmas toy, we must try to keep our cool. Children will imitate our behavior, so we need to practice these skills ourselves.
2. Insist that before they watch their favorite TV show or jump on the computer, for example, that their homework is completed or their rooms are cleaned.
3. Insist that they wait and think about their choice to use their allowance to buy their favorite toy.
4. While shopping, have them see you wait before you buy something that you really want. Talk with them about the importance of delaying gratification – financial as well as academic or career-oriented.
5. Realize that it’s good to have your children practice waiting and taking turns – don’t feel bad when you are on the telephone and you ask your child to wait before you answer his question.
6. If your child is older, ask that they record what they spend money on for one week and put into categories of “wants” and “needs.” Show them how saving just $4.00 per day, at a 5% interest rate will grow to approximately $450,000 by the time they are 65!!
7. Work on that 45,000 piece puzzle with your child. It doesn’t have an immediate payoff, but it will help them to enjoy the benefits of working on a long term project.
I hope that I can instill these valuable lessons to my children and thereby equip them with lifelong skills that will help them learn firsthand the power of one marshmallow!
Cosa molto prezioso
Posted by BELL - acute bronchitis on 09/30 at 12:06 PM